A Letter to a Friend I Once Loved

To whom it my concern:

Please be informed that you are a humongous jerk and you deserve a high five on the face with a fridge.

Are you that dense to not see the damage you've caused? 
Or do you refuse to acknowledge your error thinking that by doing so it will cease to exist? 
I was dumbfounded by the degree of your assholeness. 
Too much so that my mind refused to accept that you betrayed me. 

You gained my trust only to break it.
You aroused my heart only to shatter it.
You  promised you'll love me only to leave me hanging.
You know of all my heartaches.
Yet you even added to it.

So what is love to you?
What is love that you confess it so carelessly and without a thought?
Is love only a means to subdue your loneliness?
That you offer it to me today but to someone else after a few moons?
You've awoken my heart and made me fall.
But you offered no apology when you failed to catch me. 
And for that I resent you.

You satisfied your whims at the cost of our friendship.
The friendship that I valued throughout our youth. 
Those sweet memories with you, I will forever keep.
For I once treasure you and loved you dearly.
But you will no longer have a place in my present nor in my future.
May karma be as kind to you as your were to me.
And darling, you were truly unkind.


Hoping we'll never meet again,
Karyll

My Final Letter to Sakura and Akiya

Dear Sakura and Akiya,

"If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?" 

I was asked that question and I could only think of the 2 of you. Remembering you is bittersweet. I will always cherish the days we spent together.

Sakura, I am thankful for your embraces and your sincere advices. I will never forget your beautiful voice. Hearing you always calmed the storm in my mind. You were always like the big sister and I always looked up to you. You too Akiya, I admired you for your principles and I am thankful for all the encouragement. I will never forget your laugh. You will always find ways to make me smile. You were both there for me at my lowest and you always tried your best to understand me even when I can't even understand myself.

How did our friendship end? Was it because of the distance? Was it because we grew up and had different priorities? I can't help but feel someone responsible. Was it because I assumed something that wasn't there in the first place. Perhaps it really was my fault why we no longer talk. My heart breaks whenever I am reminded of that. And I am sincerely sorry.

Sakura, Akiya, how have you been? 
Where are you now? 
Has life been kind? 
Do you still remember me? 
Because I will never forget you. And I will always miss you. Wherever you both are, please take care. 



Love,
Karyll

A Letter to the 27 Year Old Me

Dear Self,

The last few years had been quite a ride.
Those years were filled with heartaches, as well as headaches.
They were filled with tears of loneliness and sorrow,
but there were also time when you cried tears of joy.
You were tormented and damaged, then you were healed and restored again.
You gained relationships but also lost few.
Love also came and went.
Homes became mere structures, and humble structures became home.
Some of your dreams became reality, but sadly, for a time, reality became a nightmare.
You made a couple of mistakes.
You learned a handful of lessons.
Most of all, you realized these things:
YOUR HAPPINESS IS SHARED WITH MANY, BUT YOUR SADNESS IS YOURS ALONE.
A MOTHER'S LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.
THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE IN THIS WORLD THAN A PARENT'S LOVE FOR HER CHILD.
A COMPLETE FAMILY IS NOT NECESSARILY A HAPPY FAMILY.
TRUE FRIENDS ARE RARE, BUT ONES YOU FIND THEM, THEY ARE THERE TO STAY.
THERE IS ALWAYS AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE, WHETHER IT BE GOOD OR BAD.
RUSHED LOVE OFTEN ENDS IN DISASTROUS BRIEF RELATIONSHIPS.
YOU SHOULD NEVER COMPLETELY TRUST ANYONE.
YOUR WEAKNESS LIES WITH THOSE YOU GET YOUR STRENGTH FROM.
A BAD DAY IS NOT EQUAL TO A BAD LIFE.
YOU SHOULD NEVER ALLOW YOUR PAST TO DEFINE YOUR PRESENT.
FORGIVE, FOR YOU ONLY HURT YOURSELF WHEN YOU HOLD GRUDGES.
LOVE SHOULD BE PROVEN BY ACTIONS NOT JUST WORDS.
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TASTE YOUR WORDS BEFORE YOU SPIT THEM OUT.
EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY.
ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LET GO.

Indeed, those past few years had been quite a ride.
And it's okay, for you lived life well.
And regardless of all the ups and downs, and twist and turns,
You kept pressing on.

So dearest self,
Keep loving and never lose your smile.

Keep living on.

Save Me

Sometimes, I wonder: what’s the point of writing this when no one even bothers to read this
Perhaps, I’m still hoping that someone cares.
Perhaps someone would listen.
Perhaps, I’m still hoping that someone would notice.
And then what’s next?
What do I want from this?
Do I need sympathy?
Do I need someone to feel sorry for me?
What do I really want and are my wants different from what I need? 
Questions…
These are the things that keep me up at night.
These are the nightmares that haunt me even though my eyes are still wide open.
Where do I go from here? 
What is my worth? 
What’s the meaning of my life? 
Who am I? 
More than the monsters in my imagination, I more scared of myself. 
I am scared of what I have become and what I will become.
Is there a cure for this insanity?
What path should I take?
Which path should I take when all that’s before seemed like dead ends?
No matter where I go,
no matter what I do and even if I run away
how can I be free from the nightmares when I am my own nightmare?
Why? 
Why? 
Why? 
Why? 
Why? 
If I will answer all your questions will you be able to analyze me?
Will you be able to comprehend the mess within my mind?
But how?
When we are all so good in saying that people are different and nobody’s alike?
Tell me how then will you be able to understand?
Do I need understanding then?
Or do I really need saving?
How do I become free? 
I am nothing but a fool.
Why do I still question when I know what to do.
And yet, with the coward that I am, I refuse to do so.
I am able but I am not willing. 
Have I dwell too much in the shadows that the sunshine hurts my eyes?
Or I am just waiting here to rot as I wait for the knight that will never arrive?
Still, please, someone,
save me from myself.

A Letter to A Friend I Left Behind

Dearest,


Ours was a tragic story
of a pair not meant to be.
You were torn by two lovers;
your beloved but was afar,
and I, the ever so near but the unloved.
It was a risk that I gambled with my heart,
but you, a cheater, played me like a fool.
To be labelled as such, I refuse.
Thus, with a bow, I ended the game.

But lo and below,
childish fate entangled us in his web.
As the fool became the player
and the player became the fool.
You didn't want me to leave.
But I am not like you.
So as I said the first hello,
I shall also utter the first and final goodbye.

Just as how our friendship quickly sprung,
so as how it also quickly withered.
But was it really friendship
or just a mere negotiation?


Forever not yours,
Karyll

Pay Trust with Respect




This friend told me that the most important thing in a relationship is trust.

Hhhhmmmmm.

It’s a bit hanging don’t you think?

A relationship is a two-way process.

So I told him that in order for a relationship to really work, if one gives trust then the other should repay that trust with respect.

Example:

If your partner trusts you to not smoke, then you respect her/him by meeting that trust and not smoking at all even if your partner is a thousand miles away and even if there isn’t anybody around!

So my friend said that something like this: “It’s kinda the same when you do make a mistake and you respect her but not telling her so that she won’t get hurt?”

WTF!It's the end of the world!



Then I was like, “Then that’s not respect at all.”

How the hell did the definition of respect turn to that?

I mean, if you really respect someone, then you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt them or disappoint them.

We do make mistakes (unintentionally), we’re human after all.

But to do it intentionally, and to pretend that nothing’s wrong, hide it and lie to your partner in the face - that is just unforgivable!


YOU DESERVE TO BE STABBED!



I’m just kidding. I’m not that evil. :P



*Clears throat*

Excuse me.

What I really what to say is that,

when we are serious in a relationship, we do what our partners to be faithful to us too, to respect us, and to meet our trust.

So before you try to do anything stupid, this is what I want you to remember:

STOP AND THINK

DO NOT DO TO OTHERS WHAT YOU DON’T WANT OTHERS TO DO TO YOU


And that’s a golden rule ^_^

Random Blah

“I don’t like it when guys/girls who are in a serious relationship calls a girl/guy, who’s not his girl/boy friend, names like fling, baby, honey, love, sweetie, and other shit like that. I mean, I wouldn’t give a damn if a person calls someone “my fnck buddy” AS LONG AS THAT PERSON IS SINGLE! Even if that person is your close friend, I believe, only the person you really love deserves such sweet endearments.”

That’s the case with my boyfriend. He has a lot of female friends whom he has endearments with. I’m not jealous or anything. Because I when I’m single, I also do these things, but when I do enter a serious relationship, I make sure that I won’t do anything that would cause my partner to be jealous, mad, suspicious, etc. I just find it wrong that while he is calling me Babe, he is calling another girl honey, or whatever. And I feel very pathetic to have given value to our endearment when I’ve learned about this issue. It made me feel stupid because I thought I was special because he calls me Babe. Then I learned that he calls someone honey, another friend he calls fling, so on. The “Babe” that is special to me is just a nickname to him… I’m sorry for the drama, but that’s just how I feel about it. Perhaps you won’t agree with me and you might think I might be paranoid and selfish. But people like me do exist.

Hi!

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Sindangan, Zamboanga del Norte, Philippines
I am a frustrated writer. I need inspiration