Dear 27 Year Old Me

Dear Self,

The last few years had been quite a ride.
Those years were filled with heartaches, as well as headaches.
They were filled with tears of loneliness and sorrow,
but there were also time when you cried tears of joy.
You were tormented and damaged, then you were healed and restored again.
You gained relationships but also lost few.
Love also came and went.
Homes became mere structures, and humble structures became home.
Some of your dreams became reality, but sadly, for a time, reality became a nightmare.
You made a couple of mistakes.
You learned a handful of lessons.
Most of all, you realized these things:
YOUR HAPPINESS IS SHARED WITH MANY, BUT YOUR SADNESS IS YOURS ALONE.
A MOTHER'S LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.
THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE IN THIS WORLD THAN A PARENT'S LOVE FOR HER CHILD.
A COMPLETE FAMILY IS NOT NECESSARILY A HAPPY FAMILY.
TRUE FRIENDS ARE RARE, BUT ONES YOU FIND THEM, THEY ARE THERE TO STAY.
THERE IS ALWAYS AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE, WHETHER IT BE GOOD OR BAD.
RUSHED LOVE OFTEN ENDS IN DISASTROUS BRIEF RELATIONSHIPS.
YOU SHOULD NEVER COMPLETELY TRUST ANYONE.
YOUR WEAKNESS LIES WITH THOSE YOU GET YOUR STRENGTH FROM.
A BAD DAY IS NOT EQUAL TO A BAD LIFE.
YOU SHOULD NEVER ALLOW YOUR PAST TO DEFINE YOUR PRESENT.
FORGIVE, FOR YOU ONLY HURT YOURSELF WHEN YOU HOLD GRUDGES.
LOVE SHOULD BE PROVEN BY ACTIONS NOT JUST WORDS.
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TASTE YOUR WORDS BEFORE YOU SPIT THEM OUT.
EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY.
ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LET GO.

Indeed, those past few years had been quite a ride.
And it's okay, for you lived life well.
And regardless of all the ups and downs, and twist and turns,
You kept pressing on.

So dearest self,
Keep loving and never lose your smile.

Keep living on.

Save Me

Sometimes, I wonder: what’s the point of writing this when no one even bothers to read this
Perhaps, I’m still hoping that someone cares.
Perhaps someone would listen.
Perhaps, I’m still hoping that someone would notice.
And then what’s next?
What do I want from this?
Do I need sympathy?
Do I need someone to feel sorry for me?
What do I really want and are my wants different from what I need? 
Questions…
These are the things that keep me up at night.
These are the nightmares that haunt me even though my eyes are still wide open.
Where do I go from here? 
What is my worth? 
What’s the meaning of my life? 
Who am I? 
More than the monsters in my imagination, I more scared of myself. 
I am scared of what I have become and what I will become.
Is there a cure for this insanity?
What path should I take?
Which path should I take when all that’s before seemed like dead ends?
No matter where I go,
no matter what I do and even if I run away
how can I be free from the nightmares when I am my own nightmare?
Why? 
Why? 
Why? 
Why? 
Why? 
If I will answer all your questions will you be able to analyze me?
Will you be able to comprehend the mess within my mind?
But how?
When we are all so good in saying that people are different and nobody’s alike?
Tell me how then will you be able to understand?
Do I need understanding then?
Or do I really need saving?
How do I become free? 
I am nothing but a fool.
Why do I still question when I know what to do.
And yet, with the coward that I am, I refuse to do so.
I am able but I am not willing. 
Have I dwell too much in the shadows that the sunshine hurts my eyes?
Or I am just waiting here to rot as I wait for the knight that will never arrive?
Still, please, someone,
save me from myself.

A Letter to A Friend I Left Behind

Dearest,


Ours was a tragic story
of a pair not meant to be.
You were torn by two lovers;
your beloved but was afar,
and I, the ever so near but the unloved.
It was a risk that I gambled with my heart,
but you, a cheater, played me like a fool.
To be labelled as such, I refuse.
Thus, with a bow, I ended the game.

But lo and below,
childish fate entangled us in his web.
As the fool became the player
and the player became the fool.
You didn't want me to leave.
But I am not like you.
So as I said the first hello,
I shall also utter the first and final goodbye.

Just as how our friendship quickly sprung,
so as how it also quickly withered.
But was it really friendship
or just a mere negotiation?


Forever not yours,
Karyll

Pay Trust with Respect




This friend told me that the most important thing in a relationship is trust.

Hhhhmmmmm.

It’s a bit hanging don’t you think?

A relationship is a two-way process.

So I told him that in order for a relationship to really work, if one gives trust then the other should repay that trust with respect.

Example:

If your partner trusts you to not smoke, then you respect her/him by meeting that trust and not smoking at all even if your partner is a thousand miles away and even if there isn’t anybody around!

So my friend said that something like this: “It’s kinda the same when you do make a mistake and you respect her but not telling her so that she won’t get hurt?”

WTF!It's the end of the world!



Then I was like, “Then that’s not respect at all.”

How the hell did the definition of respect turn to that?

I mean, if you really respect someone, then you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt them or disappoint them.

We do make mistakes (unintentionally), we’re human after all.

But to do it intentionally, and to pretend that nothing’s wrong, hide it and lie to your partner in the face - that is just unforgivable!


YOU DESERVE TO BE STABBED!



I’m just kidding. I’m not that evil. :P



*Clears throat*

Excuse me.

What I really what to say is that,

when we are serious in a relationship, we do what our partners to be faithful to us too, to respect us, and to meet our trust.

So before you try to do anything stupid, this is what I want you to remember:

STOP AND THINK

DO NOT DO TO OTHERS WHAT YOU DON’T WANT OTHERS TO DO TO YOU


And that’s a golden rule ^_^

Random Blah

“I don’t like it when guys/girls who are in a serious relationship calls a girl/guy, who’s not his girl/boy friend, names like fling, baby, honey, love, sweetie, and other shit like that. I mean, I wouldn’t give a damn if a person calls someone “my fnck buddy” AS LONG AS THAT PERSON IS SINGLE! Even if that person is your close friend, I believe, only the person you really love deserves such sweet endearments.”

That’s the case with my boyfriend. He has a lot of female friends whom he has endearments with. I’m not jealous or anything. Because I when I’m single, I also do these things, but when I do enter a serious relationship, I make sure that I won’t do anything that would cause my partner to be jealous, mad, suspicious, etc. I just find it wrong that while he is calling me Babe, he is calling another girl honey, or whatever. And I feel very pathetic to have given value to our endearment when I’ve learned about this issue. It made me feel stupid because I thought I was special because he calls me Babe. Then I learned that he calls someone honey, another friend he calls fling, so on. The “Babe” that is special to me is just a nickname to him… I’m sorry for the drama, but that’s just how I feel about it. Perhaps you won’t agree with me and you might think I might be paranoid and selfish. But people like me do exist.

True Friends

Friends who backstab you are not true friends. True friends are those who (((may backstab you but also))) stab you when you’re facing them.

Just Some Random Thoughts

People in my country can be very gender bias! It annoys me when some people tell me that girls can’t do this or that but it’s okay if a guy does it! People, this is not the 1500’s anymore!!!!

My guy is one of those people. He is not conservative though, its just that his perception of the roles of a man and woman is as old as my great great great great great grandparents. Like wives should serve their husband- cook for them, clean the house, do laundry, blah blah blah. With that I retorted, “I’m sorry babe, I’m afraid I will never be that kind of wife. If you really want that, then go marry a maid.”

Of course we were just fooling around. But what really pissed me off concerns sex. Me and my guy were going through the “what if’s” in our relationship. Then we stumbled upon, “What if one of us cheated and had sex with another guy/girl. Would we be able to forgive each other?” I told him I MIGHT forgive him. After all, I believe love gives room for second chances. But then my fiance sternly replied, “I won’t forgive you. Guys and girls are different. When I guy have sex, nothing changes but there’s a huge change when a girl does.” He even added, “When girls have many sexual experiences, they are seen as sluts, but for guys, it’s something they are proud of.”

WTF!!!!!!!!

Although it is true, that’s not the point. The point is they both cheated and that would equally make them cheaters. I mean, it’s not the change that you’ll forgive, it’s the mistake. And guys, please don’t be proud that you’ve banged a lot of girls. I mean, personally I think, you don’t know how to respect a girl. And I do understand you when you reason that there are some girls who even make the first move. So for those girls, please learn to respect yourselves. And hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m taking my own advice as well because I’m not innocent in this area. lol

But still, it’s better to not be given a second chance. That way, we’ll do our best not to commit mistakes. Although second chances are good, sometimes it just make us complacent. It somehow makes us think that it’s okay to screw up, after all we’ll be forgiven anyway.

Although I still think that my guy is gender bias, I don’t blame him. After all, in the society that my guy and I are in hasn’t fully embraced the equally of the sexes. And I guess it’s not just the Philippines.

So yeah. whatever. Peace y’all and I do hope we’ll do learn to respect one another, not just in this area but in whatever situations. Whether straight, bi, gay, etc. We all stand equal before God.

Hi!

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Sindangan, Zamboanga del Norte, Philippines
I am a frustrated writer. I need inspiration