Jesus, Take Me
Each day I am awakened by the sound of my alarm clock. I am hesitant to move, hesitant to start a new day. Anxiety swiftly slithers in as I push away the warmth of my covers. It slithers in like the nightmares I escaped from as I open my still tired eyes to face consciousness. I am brought back to this consciousness which makes me wish, in the first place, to remain in my nightmares. At least then I know that it’s all unreal.
The paths I place my foot on are all the same. Each leading me to directions I am not certain of. Is anyone ever certain? Do His plans just unfold before anyone’s very eyes? Is anyone out there without a single doubt? But to stop is a fool’s option; for as we stand still and watch, the hours do not. So what else is there but to keep moving; to breathe on and plaster a practiced smile on my face regardless of the sores and crosses?
Yet with every intake of air and with every step of my wary feet, perseverance becomes stale and hopes make me jaded. And there nothing more to want than to be free from it all, to flee from everything that makes sense or no sense. To flee from the cares of not wanting to hurt the feelings of people you love. To flee from ever disappointing the One you offer up your praises to. To flee from wanting to hurt the people who hurt you first. To flee from all insecurities that tie you down scornfulness and shame. To flee from things that you thought you need but will in point of fact never sate. To flee from all that pains you and you just fly away to numbness- to just go away, just away.
But what difference does it make? And what’s the point of all of these? What difference does it make at all? For though I may go a million miles and even if I may be away for good, am I not still with myself? Am I not still with myself who is capable of sinning? And what difference does it make if I flee from all the hurts when the places that I see with these eyes that err, places that I am able to flee to are also wretched and will only bring new hurts. Indeed this world is shattered and everything under the Sun is meaningless and to find meaning in this world is foolish. For what is good in place? There is none, nothing at all; nothing but sin and brokenness.
So I fix my eyes beyond the stars. For I know that there is One that sees all and knows all. A God whose arms I can be vulnerable and be completely free, a God whose hands could fix all brokenness. And yet though I know what His very name could do, my mind still wavers to move a step forward to Him. For a single step forwards feels like dying and my flesh bleeds as my soul endeavors to surrender.
I am suffocated and I am drowning from the foolish man’s dilemma that I hold. I long for freedom but refuse to pay the cost. So what’s the use of crying for these wounds when I reject the Healer’s cure? I am foolish indeed, a human to err. My very reflection disgusts me and I just wish to fade away.
So God takes me please, that I may never ever displease you anymore. My every failure causes me to ache, not because I have failed but because I have failed you. And my every heartbeat reminds me that I am a mockery, a hypocrite, unworthy of His love. But I need You to love me Lord. I need You to love me more than ever. So I beg, take a hold of my heart, take a hold of my mind, take a hold of my soul. God takes a hold of every part of me. My flesh is unwilling but my soul is crying out. Please just take me and bring me in Your arms. For Your name’s sake, take me away from my flesh; take me away from this wretched world. Jesus, take me.
The paths I place my foot on are all the same. Each leading me to directions I am not certain of. Is anyone ever certain? Do His plans just unfold before anyone’s very eyes? Is anyone out there without a single doubt? But to stop is a fool’s option; for as we stand still and watch, the hours do not. So what else is there but to keep moving; to breathe on and plaster a practiced smile on my face regardless of the sores and crosses?
Yet with every intake of air and with every step of my wary feet, perseverance becomes stale and hopes make me jaded. And there nothing more to want than to be free from it all, to flee from everything that makes sense or no sense. To flee from the cares of not wanting to hurt the feelings of people you love. To flee from ever disappointing the One you offer up your praises to. To flee from wanting to hurt the people who hurt you first. To flee from all insecurities that tie you down scornfulness and shame. To flee from things that you thought you need but will in point of fact never sate. To flee from all that pains you and you just fly away to numbness- to just go away, just away.
But what difference does it make? And what’s the point of all of these? What difference does it make at all? For though I may go a million miles and even if I may be away for good, am I not still with myself? Am I not still with myself who is capable of sinning? And what difference does it make if I flee from all the hurts when the places that I see with these eyes that err, places that I am able to flee to are also wretched and will only bring new hurts. Indeed this world is shattered and everything under the Sun is meaningless and to find meaning in this world is foolish. For what is good in place? There is none, nothing at all; nothing but sin and brokenness.
So I fix my eyes beyond the stars. For I know that there is One that sees all and knows all. A God whose arms I can be vulnerable and be completely free, a God whose hands could fix all brokenness. And yet though I know what His very name could do, my mind still wavers to move a step forward to Him. For a single step forwards feels like dying and my flesh bleeds as my soul endeavors to surrender.
I am suffocated and I am drowning from the foolish man’s dilemma that I hold. I long for freedom but refuse to pay the cost. So what’s the use of crying for these wounds when I reject the Healer’s cure? I am foolish indeed, a human to err. My very reflection disgusts me and I just wish to fade away.
So God takes me please, that I may never ever displease you anymore. My every failure causes me to ache, not because I have failed but because I have failed you. And my every heartbeat reminds me that I am a mockery, a hypocrite, unworthy of His love. But I need You to love me Lord. I need You to love me more than ever. So I beg, take a hold of my heart, take a hold of my mind, take a hold of my soul. God takes a hold of every part of me. My flesh is unwilling but my soul is crying out. Please just take me and bring me in Your arms. For Your name’s sake, take me away from my flesh; take me away from this wretched world. Jesus, take me.
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