A Letter to A Friend Who Broke My Heart. Sakura

How can I love you and hate you at the same time, friend?
How can I smile and break my heart at the same time whenever I hear your name?
There is a war between us that only I can see.
Or are you pretending to not see to save the friendship that we have?

There was no competition but it was clear that you were winning from the very beginning.
But why did you have to water those feelings that I had for him when you were also after him?
If I had known in the first place I would have just given up.
But you gave me false hope instead of telling me the truth.
Or was it just pity?

You asked me if I’m okay with all of this.
Of course, I’m not.
But how can I tell you that when though I hurt I still want you to be happy?
Though I want him, he wants you.
I’m trying to be happy for you but I still can’t.
I’m asking you to give up on it because I know that in the end, I’ll be the one more miserable than both of you.
There’s really nothing we could do about it.
It’s done and over for me.

One day the bitterness that I have will fade away.
I just wish that in the future we’d be both more mature.
I wish that we’d learn to be true to ourselves;
so that no one would get hurt anymore.

I still love you and will always love you, friend.

-Karyll